Friday, 10 September 2010

Art Words

Eminent: to be nearly as famous as Tracy Emin.
Hirst: funerary vehicle used in the transportation of pickled animals.
Hopper: container for the storage of depressing works of art.
Distemper: the feeling one gets after viewing abstract art.
Schwitters: bowel movement brought on by a visit to a Dadaist exhibition.
Kapoor: (onomatopoeia) disappointing explosion from a wax cannon.
Pre-Raphaelite: someone who leaves a charity event immediately after the buffet.
Monetise: the act of decorating a waiting-room with cheap reproductions of Impressionist art.
Flemish Art: any painting that is predominately snot-coloured.
Boschian Landscape: apocalyptic style of painting in which human figures are devoured by vacuum cleaners.
Postmodern: the junk that arrives on the doormat every morning.
Gormley: to look stupid but to actually be worth quite a lot of money.

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